Remember that? How many flowers do little girls massacre on that method of obtaining that all important, life determining 'truth'?
How many women turn into little girls all over again... all for that crippling kind of love...love beyond reason.
He is everything to me...HE LOVES ME
He is everything to so many others...HE LOVES ME NOT
I never have to show where it hurts...he just knows....HE LOVES ME
Because he put it there or watched it happen...HE LOVES ME NOT
He makes my day...often he is the reason I smile...HE LOVES ME
Sometimes he makes me cry...HE LOVES ME NOT
He taught me life is not black and white...HE LOVES ME
He showed me just how bad grey could hurt...HE LOVES ME NOT
But what real value is there in guessing? Often we find ourselves in positions where love, or rather the existence or absence thereof can no longer be the determinative factor. Often its the people we love that we hurt the most...sometimes inadvertently, sometimes unavoidably, sometimes even intentionally...but most often selfishly.
Ah Selfishness...perhaps the most human of all characteristics. Sometimes it does not even come from bad intentions, one just wants what one wants...no matter what. 'No matter what'- that tiny phrase which embodies so often the essence of 'I must have' discounting the price attached to the desired. Often we sell our souls, lose ourselves, take what is not for the taking...all for 'no matter what' which is usually disguised as 'I need' or 'I deserve'.
Where another loves you but you love him and he loves you and her while she loves him...love is not the issue...love is not the question nor the answer...its the complication because the issue becomes how much- not how much in units to be weighed against each other but simply in terms of enough and not enough.
Often we fail to get the answers for which we thirst because we ask all the wrong questions...perhaps because revolving issues are more comfortable that the reality of answers we should seek...who wants a pocketful of nightmares when you could appease yourself with a handful of happiness, however temporary. We preoccupy ourselves with the question of the presence of love when we really should inquire as to its sufficiency- Is it enough to justify placing trust in the far from perfect? Is it enough to leave sure for unsure? Is it enough to survive true honesty? Is it enough to survive time?
Is it enough?- but how do you answer a question like that in a monologue and here we strike gold...communication. Stop guessing and find out...ask the right questions and stop the flower massacre- because each petal is a tiny layer of your self confidence and even if he does not truly love you or does but not enough...YOU need to love you...even more than you love him...enough to survive it all.
Enough to appreciate the power of truth.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
That's the most important thing, to love you. Then you can better able write the story of your life.
Of course emotions are strong things and i can understand all the other things, the wondering etc.
But i liked how you broke it down to the last line. don't look for him to love you. You love yourself and be responsible for ur happiness.
Well humans dont like the truth cuz it could be against us which opens the window for hurt pride, and humans live off of that thing called pride
Post a Comment